The Adverb crutch.

Amateur writers wind up succumbing to at least one major pitfall, the use of adverbs in dialogue tags.  Adverbs are those pesky –ly words that modify verbs.

For example:

happily replied.

said angrily.

quickly asked.

pensively said.


In fiction, adverbs tend to weaken your writing. The general rule for fiction of any genre is to eliminate as many adverbs as possible, replacing them with stronger, more specific words.

What do we do with adverbs? (In a perfect world they would cease to exist.). With dialogue, you cannot just replace the adverb. An adverb in a dialogue tag means, in most cases,  you’ll need to rewrite the dialogue itself.

Here’s why:

Amateur writers (but not limited to them) often rely on adverbs in a dialogue tag to convey emotion and tone. That is wrong. A good writer will make that happen in the dialogue itself, and will not rely on the dialogue tag.

For example:

“I've had enough of this,” Karnic shouted angrily.

This tells us Karnic is angry. But that emotion isn't demonstrated through his actions or the dialogue itself.

Remember, dialogue tags have one purpose, to tell the reader who is speaking. Readers read right over them. You want your reader to feel Karnis’s anger, you have to show them–through the dialogue itself.

Here’s how you might accomplish that:

“You disgust me. This conversation is over,” said Karnic.

Karnic’s dialogue is stronger and his emotion is clear.  Kaenic’s words are angry, so you don’t need to rely on the adverb angrily to convey that.

Including some brief actions or descriptions to eliminate the adverb and convey the character’s emotion brings more depth to your story and power to a scene.

For example:

Kaenic shoved his chair back and slammed his fist on the table. “I've had enough!” He clenched his jaw. “This discussion is over.”

The actions and description here help show how Kaenic feels, eliminating the use of the word angrily from the dialogue tag.

Here’s what you don’t want to do, however:

“I've had enough,” Kaenic said, angry.

This replaces the adverb, but we still have the same basic problem: You are telling the reader instead of letting the reader feel the characters emotions through their actions. Don’t be fooled into thinking you’re all set just because you don’t have one of those pesky –ly word in there.

Adverbs become crutches, even for accomplished writers.  They're lazy writing and a huge red flag for agents and editors.

Here’s how good way to test your writing. Read your dialogue out loud without any dialogue tags. If the lines of dialogue by themselves don’t convey the emotion you’re trying to draw from your readers, that means you're relying on adverbs and your dialogue needs to be rewritten.

Every Rule has An Exception

Of course, there’s always an exception to every rule. Here’s the one for adverbs in dialogue tags (though a good editor will flag it and ask you to rework the sentence.). If the tone or emotion of the dialogue is confusing or unclear to the reader, you might use an adverb in a dialogue tag. This strategy is most often used when the character speaks sarcastically or ironically, jokes, or struggles to be polite.

For example, consider this piece of dialogue:

“Maybe I should come upstairs for awhile,” Martin said.

“No, thank you,” Alicia said.

Let’s assume your protagonist is at the end of an awful first date when he suggests he should come upstairs with her. Hirepliesly of,  “No, thank you.” could be taken many ways. So in this case the “No, thank you.” doesn't tell us much, of Alicia’s emotional or mental state, does it? We’d have to assume she’s politely declining. But what if the same line of dialogue were rewritten as the example below?

 “No, thank you,” she said emphatically.

Now the reader gets there’s force behind her words, she's making sure he doesn't come upstairs.

The adverb makes her tone clearer even though her words are exactly the same.
As I said. There are other ways so as to eliminate the adverb.

“No-thank-you!” she said, then turned and stabbed the elevator call button with her index finger.

Linking the words with a dashes and using the exclamation point add emotion to the sentence. The action of turning and stabbing the call button shows frustration, anger, etc.

Bottom Line

You want to use adverbs as sparingly as possible. In general, it’s better to use stronger, more descriptions and specific words to move your readers and fans.

The MacKenna Saga Book Progress

After a long uphill battle I published  Dreams and Deceptions, the first book in my series The MacKenna Saga. Then NewLink Publishing was taken over by Mystic Publishers Inc.. NewLink Publishing became a Imprint of the parent company. My book was reviewed by the staff and they requested I bring the writing up to their Standards. ( See Post Publishing Hypocrisy). I spent the next few month in a rewrite and the second edition of Dreams and Deceptions, came out in April of this year,

Book two Plots and Prophecies is in final edit and is due for release in November in time for Christmas. It picks up right were the cliff hanger ending in Dreams and Deceptions, left off

Book three tentatively titled Retribution is completed and will go in to editing later this year.

Book four is complete. Book five is 35% complete and book six is 20 % complete.

You can find Dreams and Deceptions in the following places:



Authors Page  amazon.com/author/richarddraude

Amazon Dreams and Deceptions Book Page: http://www.amazon.com/Dreams-Deceptions-2nd-MacKenna-Saga-ebook/dp/B00ZBT1QFI/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1434610254&sr=8-2&keywords=Richard+Draude


Smashwords: http://www.smashwords.com/books/view/442360

Evaluating My Hook (By Jo A Wilkins)

As an author and a publisher, I have seen some bad openings to novels and short stories alike. Most new authors seem to think that they must tell you every detail of background that pertains to the story at the beginning. When an author dares to start his/her story with backstory the reader yawns and thinks to himself, Do I have to read all this? When will the story start? Most of the time they never get past those first five or six pages.

When (in 2001) my co-author, R.R. Draude and I had trouble getting anyone to take our first book seriously, we fell into an opportunity of having a book doctor, William Greenleaf, evaluate our work.  His first comment, after complimenting out story and character development, was to tell us to throw away the first three chapters of our book because they were all backstory.
After I picked myself up off the floor, he handed us a twenty-eight page evaluation of the book. We told him there were key plot points in those first chapters. He said that we should go through the chapters and underline all the portions that were necessary for the plot of the story. We should then incorporate those plot points into the story throughout the book. We went away with his suggestions and rewrote our book.
Through this experience and through talking with agents and other publishers at writer’s conferences over the years I came up with the following handout – Evaluating My Hook.
Jo A. Wilkins, CEO and Director of Acquisitions at Mystic Publishers, Inc

.
Evaluating My Hook
Does your story start in the right place?  Do you hook the reader for the genre you write?
If you contrive an opening meant to grab the reader, but it does not stay true to the genre of your story, you must start again. Avoid backstory at the opening of your book; it brings a yawn, not curiosity, to the readers mind.
The correct hook for any story must fulfill the following requirements:

1. Openings must grab the reader and draw them into your story.
2. Start at a life-changing moment for your main character.
3.       A detective in a mystery may stumble on the body of his client in a mystery.
4.  A woman may throw a vase of Roses from the wrong man across the room in a love story.
5. It must introduce the main character as someone the reader will like, sympathize with, and/or care about.
6. Set your story from a fixed POV character.
7.  A frightened young woman walking up to a castle and her new job as a governess.
8. Who is she?
9. How does she feel about this new job?
10. Why has she taken this job?
11.  A man, running for his life from his killer or the person who wants to take his family from him.
12. Who is he?
13. Why is the antagonist chasing him?
14. What will he do about it?
15. You must let the reader feel the mood of the chapter.
16. Every opening chapter must set a mood for the rest of the story.
17. The opening battle in space that starts Star Wars.
18. The creepy house rising from the fog in Fall of the House of Ushers.

iii.  A confused young boy pretending to be asleep, listening to his mother discuss his situation with her mentor in Dune.

4. This is the time for the author to set his voice for the reader.
5. Be true to the story you want to tell, and how you want to tell it.
6. Your opening must set the place where your story takes place.
7. Help your readers envision the surroundings.
8. Remember that your setting should be equal in importance to your characters.
9. What would Gone With The Wind be without Tata or Atlanta?
10. Stay true to your genre.
11. Don’t start a science fiction story with a love scene.
12.   Introduce the story with the appropriate action that defines the type of story the readers will find surrounding your plot.
13. Satisfy your readers.
14. Your ending is just as important as your beginning.
15.   Know your ending before you begin.
16.  You can’t hit a target if you can’t see it.

iii.  Are you planning a linear or circular ending?

Writing a novel is not much different that journalism.  Remember to set-up for the reader the Who of your story, the What he is doing, the When it takes place, the Where it takes place, the Why it happened and Why they should care. It all has an impact.  If you forget any one of these key ingredients, your reader may not go past the first page of your story.

5 Senses—How to Invoke Them In Your Writing (Denice Whitmore)

We all use description in our writing. We describe characters and settings, actions and reactions. Most of what we write is description of some sort. By using the 5 senses, we can broaden our descriptions from a list of attributes to an experience for our readers.

Touch—How do you describe touch? The word feel/felt is passive so how can we describe how something feels without using that word? Let’s think of some words that describe something that you’ve touched.
Silky, smooth, rough, scaly, sticky, slimy, hard, soft, ribbed, slick, grainy slippery…you get the idea.
It’s not the adjectives themselves but how they are woven into the nouns, verbs and phrases that will truly help a reader know how an unfamiliar, or even familiar, object feels. Let’s have an example.

He ran his hand through her _______ hair.
A little cliché, I know. But what if we didn’t go with the obvious choice? What if we chose sticky? This would have a huge impact on his reaction.
He ran his hand through her sticky hair. He stared at his fingers, squishing them together. The skin peeling apart from top to bottom and then he did it again, fascinated at the suction the sugary substance caused.
We’ve all experienced that as kids and, while unexpected here, we get a clear picture of how sticky feels.

Smell—We all know what things smell like. Describing the actual smell without using comparisons can be a challenge. Let’s think of some words that describe smells.
Foul, sweet, burning, smoky, pungent, fruity, rancid, decayed, fresh, stale, dusty, minty, woody, earthy, sweaty, musty, dank.
How would you describe fresh cut grass? Or, the smell of baking bread? How about the smell of a dirty diaper? These are all things we have smelled before but putting words to a description can be hard. A lot of times we rely on common experience of the readers to fill in the blanks. When we write things like, fresh cut grass, or the smell of baking bread, or even dirty diaper, they definitely evoke something in each of us. But because everyone’s experiences are different, what they think of will not be the same as what the writer intended.
Scent also has the strongest connection to memory. Who hasn’t walked into the house while cookies were baking and thought of visits to Grandma’s or baking with Mom? But we can’t just rely on ‘tells’ and the readers experience to describe scent. As an exercise, try using adjectives to describe the following. Some may be harder that you think. If you come up with a good one, share it in the comments.

• Fresh cut grass
• Baking bread
• A garden/your favorite flowers
• Two-week-old leftovers in the fridge

Taste—How would you describe the taste of salt to someone who has never eaten it? Not as easy as it sounds, is it? Especially since we use ‘salty’ as an adjective. So, on to the list of taste words.
Salty, sweet, sour, sweet and sour, savory, rich, tangy, bitter, bittersweet, fruity, starchy, flavorful, raspberry(or all the fruit flavors), mild, spicy.
When writing about taste, your goal should be to evoke the memory of a specific taste in your reader by giving the description of the item and the characters reaction to it.
She loaded the chip with salsa. Opening wide, she crunched down and chewed rolling the tomatoes, peppers and lime flavors around in her mouth. She smiled at her date, but then her eyes watered and she gasped for air. She swallowed the mouthful and the heat slid down to her stomach. Drawing in a deep breath, she plunged her head into the punch bowl, cooling the burn with huge gulps of the sweet, fruity drink.

Or how about the taste of ice cream?
He slid his tongue over the cold scoop on the cone. Flecks of bittersweet chocolate mingled with the sugary cream. He closed his eyes savoring the mix of flavors.
Draw on your personal experiences and sensations to help the readers identify and make their mouth’s water.

Hearing—Sounds are important to our lives. If you describe a setting and leave out the sounds you haven’t given the reader a complete picture. Would you describe a carnival without the barker yelling, the music of the merry-go-round floating on the breeze, a bell ringing and people cheering as someone wins a prize, and let’s not forget the shrieks of the daring souls brave enough to ride the roller coaster. These all add to the setting.
But sometimes we can use sound to convey action.
Pop! Pop! Pop! He ducked, bullets peppering the wall above his head.
This is called onomatopoeia. These words imitate the natural sound of things. Think of them as sound effects for writers. Here are some examples of onomatopoeia.

Boom, crash, pop, splash, drip, plop, warble, whoosh, croak, whistle, giggle, growl, bawl, clang, clap, clink, slap, thud, buzz, chirp, meow, moo.
These words mimic the sound they describe. They are often found at the beginning of a sentence and signify the sounds themselves. They can also heighten the tension or surprise the reader as in the example above. So don’t forget the sound of your setting for a complete picture.

Sight—Last of all is sight. As writers, we are used to describing the visual aspects of our characters and setting. But we have to remember to make them part of the story and not just a laundry list of description. Here’s an example.
He was tall, about six feet. He had blond hair and blue eyes. He wore blue jeans and a black t-shirt.

Pretty boring, right? Now let’s make it part of the story.
I looked up into his face when the gun cocked. The boy’s blue eyes shifted around the alley. Switching the gun to his left hand he wiped his palm on his tight, black t-shirt. He turned and ran away, his messy blond hair blowing in the wind.
Making the details part of the action makes it more interesting for the reader.
Using color can be tricky. Ally Condie stands out to me as someone who has mastered the use of color in her writing. Here are the first few paragraphs of her book Matched.

Now that I’ve found the way to fly, which direction should I go into the night? My wings aren’t white or feathered; they’re green, made of green silk, which shudders in the wind and bends when I move—first in a circle, then in a line, finally in a shape of my own invention. The black behind me doesn’t worry me; neither do the stars ahead.

I smile at myself, at the foolishness of my imagination. People cannot fly, though before the Society, there were myths about those who could. I saw a painting of one of them once. White wings, blue sky, gold circles above their heads, eyes turned up in surprise as though they couldn’t believe what the artist had painted them doing, couldn’t believe that their feet didn’t touch the ground.

Those stories weren’t true. I know that. But tonight it’s easy to forget.
She uses color seven different times in that passage alone. Never once did she ‘tell’ us something about the color. She didn’t tell us her dress was green or the night was black or even that the painting was of angels. She ‘showed’ us the thoughts of her POV character and worked the color in. So let us find better ways of using sight in our writing to make it vivid.

By employing all the senses in our writing, we don’t just tell our readers a story, we let them share in the experience of our characters. We can evoke emotion and memory. We can create well-rounded settings and vivid, colorful pictures. So go forth and try something new. Expand your descriptions to artistry.
Keep writing.

Balance (By Jo A Wilkins)

My co-author Jo offers this on writing Balance

What I mean by balance is that each and every piece you write must have a balanced portion of narrative, description, and dialogue. To understand each of these concepts individually is not enough. A successful author must understand how to weave these three essential portions of their story into every scene. It may help if you study each technique for its contribution to your writing, and whether or not you are drawing on the full potential of them all. Take a look at each concept individually.

Narration is the vehicle by which an author sets the mood for the scene they are writing. Without knowing what time of day or what weather the characters are putting up with, how can we understand why they are reacting like they are? Without this element in our scene, the drama you are creating seeps off the page. But, be aware, if the author uses only, or primarily, narration in his work, the end result will be a fairytale-like story that carries slim chances of being published.

Description, an equally important ingredient in building a story, sets the background the characters work around, and it lets the reader see your characters. Have the character walk through a dark room, with only a penlight to illuminate his way. How spooky would the character’s face look in the shadows cast by the weak light?  The skillful use or omission of description in your writing can make or break a scene

And then there is Dialogue. Dialogue is the vehicle that moves your story from page to page. If dialogue is not handled correctly, you can lose your audience when the first character speaks. As William Noble says in Conflict, Action and Suspense, (A Writer’s Digest book published in 1999) he states that dialogue is not conversation. Conversation is boring. We, as writers, should avoid chit chat and include only key information in our dialogue. So, it might be a good exercise to look through your current manuscript and see if you are using your skills to their fullest potential. Do pages of your manuscript resemble a script with primarily dialogue?  Do you find a fairy tale on your pages that only the young in heart can appreciate having read to them?  Or is your story a full out description of the world in your head that would bore the most hungry reader?